Everybody has their own personal struggles and flaws; that’s the human condition. Not everybody feels as though they can express the emotions associated with those struggles and flaws; that’s human nature. People excuse themselves from their true emotions for a plethora of ridiculous reasons, and one of these major reasons is that other people have it worse. 

When something bad happens, it’s not uncommon to think that one is not deserving of feeling that pain because someone else may feel it harder. This is very damaging because people then attempt to bury their issues which manifests in many ways including, but not limited to, relationship problems, mental illness, and emotional incapability. 

The main reason it is irresponsible to compare pain is that everyone is different. Every person has different life experiences; therefore, they can’t be compared. It makes no sense to compare the pain of two different lives because when equating, for example, a fish and a horse, there aren’t many similarities. But even for people with the same experiences, their emotional response may be different. Every person is wired differently which elicits a different emotional response. 

These varying emotional responses are affected by many things. Genetics, for one thing, can change a response because some people are prone to different coping mechanisms hereditarily. Additionally, the different experiences people have faced before a situation can determine how they will handle something in the future. If the circumstance is precedented, this can eliminate shock, but it could also bring up trauma, where for the other person, they could experience shock, but not a previous incident resurfacing emotionally. 

Why is it important to take these factors into consideration? Because everyone deserves to have their emotions validated and to get the help for them that they need. If people compare their pain to others, then they start to feel as though they haven’t earned the right to be upset; however, that is very false. One of the most essential ways to heal is by accepting emotions, so if someone can’t accept their own pain for all it is, then they can’t properly cope with it. 

And after accepting their own pain, people should be able to allow themselves to reach out for help. Sometimes, people avoid seeking help because the helpers’ pain might be worse. 

It is dangerous to compare personal pain to that of others, but it is also very wrong to diminish the pain of others if they come to you for help. This only perpetuates the issue because if someone is willing to open up about their issues, telling them that it’s not that bad is going to rebury the pain. Altogether, people, no matter what background, need to work on accepting their own pain and the pain of other people as exactly that, their own!