Ship Wrecked

Welcome back to another addition of Crazy Good. This weekend was madness. I went to the Gulf for my sister’s wedding. I was her Maid of honor, it was so much fun. Cassiah is one of my best friends. I can easily talk to her about pretty much anything, and her now husband, James, is perfect for her. He stayed with her throughout her entire pregnancy with another guys baby. She didn’t cheat on him or anything, she just didn’t meet him until after she was pregnant. He loves her son like he’s his own, and he treats her perfectly. I couldn’t be happier for them. Also, today I learned that she’s pregnant, with their first baby together. I’m really hoping they have a girl, I really want a niece. Anyways, while we were at the coast I had to spend the entire weekend with Candy, which usually is a recipe for disaster. Surprisingly, she kept her distance. The weekend was over all just an amazing time.

I feel like this family talk is getting boring. Do I even have any readers left? Hah, well now to new information about my actual private life, that I let few select people know, oh and the hundreds of people who have access to this blog.

Last week was the calm before the storm. This week, the storm is over and I’m ship wrecked. I feel like I’m drowning. Like no matter how hard I try, I can’t breathe. Like, there’s no point in anything anymore. I had so much hope for what was to come, and now it’s all crashing down. I want to be happy, but I feel like I’m not capable of that emotion. Like my entire life was set up for failure, like everyone is preventing me from being okay, for more than a few minutes. It’s almost like I’m trapped in my head, and I’m screaming for someone to save me, but no one can here me, no matter how loud I yell. The fear, anxiety, and pain is just all getting to me. Everyone expects so much from me, and I can’t live up to that. I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t even think five minutes ahead, because what if the next thing I have to do is too stressful? How will I handle the anxiety. Being at school is the worst, because I’m constantly seeing things that remind me of what it is that I’m trying to hide from. I know what you’re thinking, why is she hiding from her problems? As of right now that seems the easiest to do. I don’t want to face what’s upsetting me, because that will make it real. and that just terrifies me. Isn’t life supposed to be filled with ups and downs? Well where are my ups? I hope they’re coming. I hope they’re Crazy Good.