Is this what you call family?

As I write this blog week to week, given I’m only two weeks in, I’m beginning to realize that my blog is more about me than my crazy family. I think I will continue this style, but I will still get in depth into my family. Enough about that, I know what you’re thinking.. What crazy shannagans has Maddy gotten herself into this week? Let me take a sip of my drink and let you in on the details.

This week was without a doubt one of the most anxiety ridden weeks I’ve had in the longest time, which, quite frankly, scares me half to death. Wednesday my mom informed me that my Uncle was coming in town. Adding more people into my already crazy household is stressful enough, without adding to the mess my family lives in. I began to think about all of the cleaning, and the preparations I was going to go through, and I freaked out. I had the worst anxiety attack I’ve had since sophomore year. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. I blacked out. I know it lasted about a half hour but I only remembered it beginning. The next thing I realized I was throwing up. This hardly ever happens, and it’s terrifying because you really don’t know what to do except cry. I was just thankful I had made it to my trashcan, instead of the floor. After I calmed myself down I texted JJ, but she was at work and I didn’t know what to do. Having only one friend can kind of get hard when you need someone to talk you down off the ledge. Luckily, I’ve been talking to this guy, Joziah, and he understands exactly how I feel, every day. He got me to laugh, which is really hard to do after I’ve had an anxiety attack. I’m just really thankful that I have him in my life.

Then, Saturday, my whole family was cleaning to get ready for my uncle’s arrival, and I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. I couldn’t stand without feeling like my body was going to give out. My dad, being very understanding of what I’ve been going through, just let me lay down. Then, as soon as my mom got home she decided it didn’t matter what I felt like, and I needed to go to the store for her. This made me really mad, and then when I got over the anger I just sat in my room and cried, until I could stop and leave. She always blames my medicine for “changing” me, making me more angry, or not doing what I’m told, or talking back. She insisted that I stop taking my medicine because it’s making me crazy. She wants me to take this herbal thing, it’s like a shot of juice that’s supposed to make you happy. I’m thinking the only way that will help me is if it’s filled with crack. It just drives me crazy how she comes up with these things. She has actually been depressed, and had anxiety, and she is the one who wants me to stop getting help. It’s ridiculous, sometimes I think she just wants me to feel like this, and just stay unhappy with her all the time, and never leave. I just don’t want my life to keep heading in this direction, I want to leave. I want to escape this Crazy Good life.