Calming Down

I’m at a loss for words. I can’t even describe this week. I worked so much that I didn’t have time to feel.


Scratch that. I felt everything; I just didn’t have time to break down. When I wasn’t working I was with JJ, or sleeping. Too much stuff is coming up, too fast:

  • College, I applied, officially.
  • Graduation, June 2nd. It may seem far away, but to me it’s coming entirely too fast.
  • The rest of my life. I don’t want to grow up.



Most people are ecstatic about leaving high school, moving out and being all on their own. Not me. It’s actually the last thing that I want right now, the stress of college is overwhelming. I’d rather be eight years old again, not a care in the world. Except, I’ve never been the person without a care. I’ve had anxiety ever since I could remember, worrying about anything and everything, that crossed my mind to the point where I couldn’t sleep most nights. I know what you’re probably thinking I’m over exaggerating. I’m not. I would worry about the stupidest things, tornadoes, sharks, someone killing my family, anything. It’s always been a problem and now that I have actual things to worry about, it’s 100 times worse.


I think it would be fantastic to live just one day, one hour, without worrying about something. That would be nice. I don’t want to have to live like this.