Pursuit of Happiness

Today was awkwardly good. For no reason. It kind of freaks me out, how happy I am right now. I’m dreading the fall. I could feel myself coming up. My life is like a roller coaster, one minute I’m happy, the next I’m struggling to stay afloat. I’m really glad that I’m feeling good this week though, with fall break coming. I even rescheduled my psychiatrist appointment because I have nothing huge to talk with him about, plus I have to go with my dad since I’m not 18 yet. Which sucks, because I can’t be completely honest with him. I like going to my old doctor, I could go alone and I could talk to him about anything. My psychiatrist doesn’t want me going to him though, to be honest I don’t really like him. My old doctor, doctor Evans, is much better. But, I’d like to focus on the happy this week, mix it up a little. Give my readers a little bit of joy.

I finally got to spend time with my brother. It was fantastic, we went to Denny’s and then to ‘Death’ park, for those of you who don’t know what death park is, it’s Legacy Park; then we just played video games until bed. I ended up sleeping with him in his room. It was nice. I never realized how much I loved him until I never got to see him. I always knew he was the most important thing in my life but I never realized how essential he is to me. I just love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone. It’s crazy how you could never know someone and the second you look into their eyes you feel an immense amount of love, that’s how it was when he was born. It’s madness. I can’t even remember what my life was like without him. I’m dreading going to college next year, I can’t imagine leaving him. Just the thought of it sends me into a panic. It’s all coming together though, the bigger picture, I’m currently happy, even if it is only for a week, I needed it. I can see myself having a future and it all gives me hope. It’s weird, but right now my life is Crazy Good. 🙂