What’s the point of it all?

Where to begin? Well I’m writing this a few days early, because I feel like I need an outlet today. It’s Friday, the power went out when I started to type this. No bueno. I’m rambling about nothing, aren’t I?

Why are people so confusing? It’s like one minute everything is amazing and perfect and the next you’re like, what’s going on? Hello? They’re gone. I’m not saying I’ve never done that, I have. But I don’t go without reasoning, I never just disappear. I hate it. I feel like I need something to hold on to. The only thing I have going for me at this point is college. Just JJ and I living together, going to school, no drama, no worries. Well, actually a lot of worries, but it will be easier than it is now.

I need someone, other then Jayden, to want to be with me. I’m not trying to be all whiny and “I want a boyfriend” blah blah blah, because I don’t want a boyfriend, actually the thought of that kind of freaks me out, but I do want someone who cares about me, who will always be there and who will just hold me when I’m upset. Jayden says that when he gets big he’s going to marry me; if only that wasn’t creepy and highly illegal. I just want to fast forward to when I have kids. Just skip all of the hard, annoying parts. I guess that’s life though, no fair, no fun, pain, pain, pain.

I just feel like it would be easier to know exactly what was coming. To know when something bad is about to happen, to know when the amazing stuff is coming. Some people probably think that the surprises are the best part, nope not me. I’d like to know if I’m wasting my time. Do I need to concentrate on school? Or will it be pointless if I die tragically young. Should I live my life now? Should I try to make relationships work, or just give up, because I’ll be living in JJ’s basement raising her second born, or marrying her if we’re both single at 40. I’d just like to know where my life is headed. That sounds Crazy Good to me.