Losing everything

Well, break’s over. Sad to say, I loved the two weeks off. Spending day after day with JJ, you would think we would get sick of each other, but that’s not the case. I think that’s what I enjoy most about our friendship, even if we’re bored of each other, we still spend everyday together, maybe taking a break from one another for an hour or two by sleeping. But, that’s not the only thing I did during break.

My break. Was wonderfully, awful. I had an amazing time, but it sucked too. Good parts were that I got to see old friends, home from college, I had a party, and I spent time with Jayden. But, for every good, there was a bad. I always find the worst in everything, it’s apparently from being an adult child of an alcoholic, according to my therapist. The bad. My family went on a vacation without me; I lost one of my best friends, for good this time; my sister began having contractions, too early; I spent entirely too much money and everything was taken away.

I know, that’s really dramatic. “Everything was taken away,” I know I still have a lot going for me, but I feel like I lost a huge part of what I was looking forward to in the future. All that I have left is college, and that terrifies me, so it’s not even a good thing to think about. The only amazing day of my break was the first Friday, the day of my party, and the rest of it went downhill from there.

Constant fighting with my parents, which is getting too old. Last year, I met this amazing guy, Wayne, we were best friends. I never thought I’d ever need another friend in my life. I always thought he would be there. We would never get sick of each other, and he would always support me like I would support him. He pushed my faults away, as I did his. We helped each other through boy troubles, parent troubles, heart ache, anything. I’ve lost him. He’s chosen to be friends with JJ over me, I just want him to be happy, but it still hurts. He was my best friend, and now he’s someone who I can’t even see or talk about, without getting upset.

For my regular readers, I don’t know if you remember me mentioning Joziah a long, long time ago, but he was someone who was helping me get through everything. “Everything was taken away,” including him. I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to him again, or see him outside of school. I won’t be there for him, I won’t have him to be there for me. It’s crashing down on me. He wasn’t everything in my life, but he was a huge part for a while. I hate losing people who are that important to me, it feels like my insides are being crushed in a trash compactor, it physically and mentally hurts. I don’t know how many people I can lose before it all becomes too much, and I can’t put myself back together again.