Snuggled up on the sofa in your favorite blanket, fire crackling and a mug of hot chocolate in your hand, you reach for the remote and your bowl of popcorn. Snowflakes fall delicately outside and the soft glow of your neighbor’s Christmas tree shines beautifully through their window. December has finally arrived, which means you can now enjoy the one film that truly puts you in the mood for the season of goodwill and peace toward men: “Die Hard”.
I can hear the complaints already – “‘Die Hard’ is not a Christmas movie!” And to you Yippee-Ki-Naysayers I offer two words of advice: Shut. Up. Not only is “Die Hard” a Christmas movie, it is one of the best Christmas movies of all time. I will not stand by and let this slander continue. If you truly believe that it does not qualify as a Christmas movie, just stick with me and soon you’ll be a diehard “Die Hard” defender.
First of all, if you haven’t seen “Die Hard” yet, go watch it right now. Go on. I’ll wait.
Okay, you better have seen it now. If not, consider yourself warned: This article will contain spoilers for the greatest Christmas movie of all time.
We open with John and Holly (as in deck the halls with it, fa-la-la-la-la) in California. John and Holly are going through a bit of a rough patch in their marriage. Right off the bat, this is a great Christmas movie setup because it puts them into perfect position for an end-of-the-movie reconciliation where they hug and sleigh bells ring as snow falls around them. After walking past the gigantic Christmas tree in the lobby, John finds his wife in her office. Their eyes meet. The classic Christmas bells chime. Magical.
Something important to note for the rest of the movie – John McClain, New York cop and soon-to-be action hero, is barefoot. That’s right, his stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. But St. Nick is not the one to arrive. Instead, it’s a band of German bad guys (who are definitely on the Naughty List) plotting to steal hundreds of millions of dollars.
Not if McClain has anything to do with it! He kills one of the antagonists and takes his gun and supplies to add to his sack of toys. McClain also tries to take the shoes of the man he killed, but unfortunately the guy’s feet are two sizes too small, like the heart of a certain Christmas character.
Descending through the elevator shaft like Santa through a chimney, McClain delivers a Christmas gift to the villains — the body of the dead man, with a Santa hat on and a festive sign that reads “Now I have a machine gun, Ho-ho-ho”.
How much more holiday spirit can a person ask for?
Now that the bad guys know that McClain is in the building and has a jolly little machine gun, they attempt to chase him down and kill him, all while whistling merry little Christmas tunes. Apparently McClain really loves Santa-ing his way through tight spaces because he treats the air vents around the office building as his own personal chimney. Unfortunately for him, one of the bad guys is really not in the Christmas mood and decides to light up the air vents like a Christmas tree. While dodging bullets, McClain realizes that this may be his last Christmas Eve ever, so he comes to a popular holiday movie realization — family should always come first.
Among McClain’s sack of toys is a walkie-talkie stolen from the guy he killed. He uses the walkie-talkie to contact a police officer who becomes his only access to the outside world as well as a new close friend. When he eventually realizes that he might not make it out alive, McClain asks his cop friend to deliver a heartfelt apology to his wife in case he doesn’t make it.
The bad guys break into the vault successfully and open every box of bonds like excited kids ripping through wrapping paper on Christmas morning. Unfortunately for them, the Grinch comes to steal their evil Christmas joy in the form of McClain’s heroics.
Through a Christmas miracle, McClain and the office workers who had been held hostage throughout the movie make it out alive. McClain and his wife have a heart-warming family reconciliation reminiscent of Old Man Marley’s family reunion in Home Alone. When McClain and his cop friend see each other for the first time, they share a hug that is a bit of a tear-jerker. The millions of bonds fall through the sky around them like snowflakes as the scene of holiday happiness unfolds and “Let it Snow” plays as the end credits roll.
Although “Die Hard” is a good action movie, the parts that make it a great movie are the parts that revolve around Christmas. Without the themes that have become so closely associated with Christmas (valuable friendship, unlikely outcomes aka Christmas miracles, and rekindled family love), “Die Hard” would not be as beloved as it is. “Die Hard” may never be considered a Christmas movie for some, but the rest of us know the truth.
Yippee-Ki-Yay! Happy holidays!
