During the summer, there was a nice balance of work and home life. My day consisted of me drawing and later going to work, which I found pleasant. I spent my days hanging around with friends or relaxing on my own. Large amounts of free time had been something I’d gotten used to — but then school hit. Now, the one day I have entirely reserved for myself is usually spent on homework, chores, getting stressed out, and, if I’m lucky, maybe a large period of free time. Now, juggling responsibilities while still having my own free time has become difficult.

I’ll wake up, get ready for school, and get on the bus. Most of my classes don’t offer a lot of free time, and I usually spend my study hall working on unfinished classwork. Then I’ll board the bus, get home, get a snack, and then go to work. We have 21-minute breaks, in which I’ll eat, go through my notifications, and get back on the grind. I get home between 9:15 and 9:30, and I have to head straight to bed—if work ends at 9 or 10, my parents’ rule states that I’m supposed to go to bed as soon as I get home.

Compared to the previous years of high school, it feels like I have so little time to myself. I’m not going to lie; it’s rough.

Since I could pick up a pencil, I’ve been drawing on a weekly basis, if not a daily one. It’s been a huge part of my growth as a person. It helps me express my emotions and distract myself in moments of distress. Overall, it helps make me happy. Especially as someone with mental health issues, self-expression is very important to me. Art has been a healthy outlet for my positive and negative emotions, a helpful distraction when I need it, and satisfies both me and the people that I draw for. I can’t stress enough how much I love it. But since the school year has started, I’ve only been able to draw 2-3 times in those four weeks, not including the few times I’ve doodled on a napkin at work. Since drawing can be time-consuming — up to hours or days for one piece of artwork — it’s been hard to find the time for it. With school, work, and the time I spend with my friends, I don’t have enough time to take any commissions, and I certainly don’t have enough time to draw for myself.

Understandably, as I gain more responsibility, I lose that free time. I know that I’m on the path to becoming an adult, and I know that I’m going to lose and gain things on the way. School itself is a full-time job, and oftentimes I go straight to my part-time job afterward — and then straight to bed after that. I know I’m not the only one. My friends who enjoy playing video games, watching shows, and other hobbies have also found it difficult to transition into this new routine.

It’s given me more understanding of the adults around me as well. Now, it makes sense that my parents need to specifically state, “I’m going to go and do [hobby]. Ask the other parent if you need anything.” Thinking of juggling my current responsibilities and caring for kids right now makes me shudder, simply because that’s definitely too much for me right now. They’ve learned how to handle it and they’ve adjusted, so it gives me more certainty than I can, too.

I’m interested in how I’m going to grow and change throughout this period. Will my mental health worsen as I have less time to relax, or will I adjust to make the most of the time that I do have? Honestly, I expect a little bit of both; the first option fading into the second. It’s a journey I’d rather not have to travel, but it’s one I have to because it’s part of life. That doesn’t make it less hard, but it makes it more bearable.