First, two jokes:

How did the hipster die? He got into lava before it was cool.

Why did the hipster commit suicide? Because a plethora of 13-year-old girls started obsessing over his cherished obscure music found on the ever popular ‘Twilight’ soundtracks.

In a perfect world, this unfortunate circumstance could be avoided, but sadly, my second joke has become a reality (to a point, of course).

Through the course of the first four of five Twilight soundtracks to be released, some of my favorite artists — including but not limited to, Bon Iver, Muse, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, The Black Keys, Angus & Julia Stone, Sea Wolf, and Iron & Wine — have been thrown to the metaphorical hounds.

All of the albums have reached the top four of the Billboard 200 in their first active weeks with the first two soundtracks going platinum since their release. However great the publicity may be, it has significantly taken away from the intimate connection I had with the various artists. It has taken awhile for me to regain that special spark with the music I had once loved.

The fact of the matter is that the movies are so awful they can’t even begin to catch the true essence of the songs. This is the key issue, in my book. The plot is predictable and strained (not to mention sometimes non-existent), the characters are one dimensional, and the cinematography is laughable. If the train of thought for producers is that obscure music can mend these holes, then they are sadly mistaken.

It’s not that I don’t want them to become successful; Justin Vernon has gone on to make wondrous music with fantastic artists like Kanye West because of his popularity. It’s just that it’s sad to see them go. Kids grow up so fast these days.

For questions comments or concerns regarding this blog and all of its glory you can contact me at [email protected]. Especially if you want to fight me about Twilight and its atrocities. I’ve been itching for a good rumble. Please and thank you, have a nice day.