One friend, two friend, old friend, new friend

So… What the heck? So confused this week it’s not even funny! I started talking to a lot of my old friends this last week, and some of them I’m really happy to talk to and others we just do not click anymore. One of them has been pulling all these stupid sex jokes, and sexist jokes, and it really isn’t funny. The first time or two, I can look past that kind of thing, but it’s like that’s all that comes out of his mouth. It’s annoying and aggravating and he does it all the time. No lie, no exaggeration.

Then, this other friend of mine I started talking to is great. He’s always happy and always makes me happy, even when I’m really upset or angry. His smile is like contagious. I know it sounds like puppy love or a crush or something, but it’s really not. He’s just really super fun to talk to all the time. I’ve been texting him non-stop all day long. At first, I thought I was bothering him, but then he texted me after a couple hours of quiet and wanted to talk, so then I felt a little better about it. I met his girlfriend yesterday, and she’s really nice. I’m hoping we’ll all be really good friends. I’m having so much fun meeting new people.

On my way to school, though, my old boyfriend told me his new girlfriend just broke up with him. He’s so upset and depressed; it’s driving me crazy. I hate how much he cares about her, and I know that’s horrible to say, but it hurts me even more to know that she hurt him. I want him to be happy. She’s not letting that happen, after all he’s done for her. I guess what really bothers me is that he came to me of all people, his ex, when his girlfriend breaks up with him. And it’s even worse since he left me for her, and I get to see how much he’s really gotten over me and fallen head over heels for a girl who doesn’t care about him like that. I just wish he would be happy again… Even if that means he’s with her instead of me.

I guess this means I still have feelings for him, considering I got so worked up over it. Honestly, though, the most emotion I’m feeling is sadness simply for the fact that he’s sad. I really like to believe that if I love someone, and they’re happy without me, then I should be happy that they’re happy. And that’s what I’ve been telling myself since he left. But now he’s unhappy and that’s upsetting me. I guess when he’s ready to talk, I’ll get the chance to help him. I really just want him to be happy again… This is horrible…

-Connie

4/12/11