I can feel the pressure

So, lately I’ve been feeling like I’m dying; and not the cool, “oh, look at me in my black clothes and black coffee that matches my soul,” type of dying. More like, “oh my god, I can’t breath. I feel like I’m falling down a well,” type of dying. It’s been loads of fun. Not.

Now, if you are a decent human being, which I’m assuming you are because you’re reading something that I wrote, you may be wondering, “What’s wrong Lizzi? Why do you feel like you’re dying?” Well, it’s not a simple answer.

I recently got a job working at Kohls. It’s nice to know I’m finally not a complete waste of space; I mean hey, at least I’m finally making cash money. So, that’s nice. But, it’s all kind of freaking me out. Because first of all, my job entails me being a cashier, which as far as jobs go isn’t too bad. But, that also involves human interaction, which is not exactly my speciality. This may be a surprise to many of you considering that I’m your typical ball of sunshine, but I don’t exactly do well with large amounts of strangers. Call it the “stranger danger” ingrained in me since childhood gone wild, but I just don’t do well with typical socialization. It’s hard to explain. But, in short; it sucks.

Along with working, I’ve also become entrenched with various homework assignments from the four AP classes I’m taking, along with being an editor on the lovely school paper and being in theatre. So, yeah. Sometimes I feel just so overloaded with work that I just sit in my room and freak out for a while until the Earth stops spinning and my breathing becomes regular again. I mean, I get that this is all my doing. No one forced me to take four AP classes and no one forced me to be so involved with school. But, at the same time, with the threat of college next year upon me it was kind of hard to think that anything else could even be an option.

I just don’t know. So, to sum everything up, the reason I’ve been feeling like I’m dying is because I haven’t had a moment of peace in what feels like forever. I need a nap. A month long nap, or maybe I just need to be euthanized. Either one works.