Fingers crossed

So, this weekend I visited Missouri State University, the college I plan on attending in the fall, and nearly had a heart attack.

You see, I had an interview. And not just a normal, oh-if-I-screw-up-it’s-no-big-deal kind of interview. Oh, no. I had a if-you-screw-this-up-you’re-going-to-end-up-working-at-McDonalds kind of interview. And it was terrifying.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this to you readers, but I occasionally have issues centered around anxiety. And if I had had my way I wouldn’t have made human interaction a key component to my future. But, being a teenager, and a whiny one at that, I did not get my way. What a shame.

Maybe I should provide some back story to what I’m talking about.

The interview was for the presidential scholarship at MSU. Basically, if I get this, then I have to pay $0.00 for college. What a bargain. I had already submitted an application for it, along with an essay, for the scholarship and was one of the lucky ducks who was selected to be in the next round. The next round being the interview.

I had to go into a room with three strangers staring at me and talk about my future. Maybe this wouldn’t have been such a terrifying task if I actually knew what the future holds for me. But, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m winging it. Sure, I have an idea of what I was to do and who I want to be. But, to actually form those wants into words was terrifying.

Everyone just kept telling me to be myself, but what if being myself wasn’t good enough? What if the college board didn’t think that I was deserving?

I guess I’ll just have to wait until I get the results in a couple of weeks. Fingers crossed that I got this scholarship, but I’m not holding my breath.