Conflicting emotions

So, I think it’s safe to say that if you’re a faithful reader of my blog you know about my current love life. You know that there is a guy and blah blah blah romance yada yada yada.

What you don’t know though, is the stress that I think it’s starting to put on my friendship.

You see, I have a best friend who is more like family than a friend. We spend way too much time together, are way too close and way too comfortable with each other. But, honestly, that’s what I love about us. I love that we are always there for each other and would do anything for each other. I mean hey, don’t tell the police, but I would kill someone for her. And I’m dead serious when I say that.

But, with my developing romantic relationship, I fear she’s getting worried about being left in the dust.

She’s constantly concerned about feeling like the third wheel, and I get that. I get that she’s worried about that happening because I know from personal experience that being the third wheel sucks. But, I’m conscious of her fears, I really am. And whenever the three of us are hanging out I make sure not to act too lovey-dovey, because I know that bothers her.

But, at what point do I have to stop being constantly worried about her feeling left out? Yes, I love her to death and yes, I care about her. But, as I’ve said before, I never get romantic feelings towards anyone. So, the fact that I actually have some right now, and the fact that they are reciprocated is a rare, crazy occurrence that I still can’t fully wrap my head around.

So, a part of me wants to just be happy about it. And I know that she wants me to be happy too, but blech. I feel like this situation is just getting messier and messier. And I’m getting more and more unsure about what I should do.

I don’t know how to be happy with my love life without damaging my friendship. And, it kind of sucks.