‘Hugs, not drugs’

Today, I did something stupid. This last week, really, I have been. Nathan and I went out with some of his friends, and they started passing drugs around. I’m really proud of myself for not trying it; the peer pressure really sucks. For a while, I almost felt like I had to, but then I realized I really didn’t, and they didn’t seem to care either way once I took an adamant stance on the whole thing. They finally stopped asking me about it, but my clothes smell like smoke and I feel really guilty for even being around it. It’s so stupid the things that people find to do for fun.

I remember Nathan calling me a “straight A, straight virgin, straight edge” today, and kept commenting on how I really am a “straight edge” because I’m against the whole smoking thing. I really hate that he says that to his friends in front of me sometimes, but I guess if it gets them to realize who I am, then that’s just what it takes.

Speaking of him calling me a virgin, half the time we all were hanging out today, the guys were talking about girls. Now, I feel really stupid for what I’m about to say, but it’s all true. I know they were talking about sex, their girlfriends, their ex’s, their pasts, the works. But I hadn’t the slightest clue what any of it meant. I guess I really am dense like some of my friends say, or naïve, or gullible even. I’m not really quite sure what the correct word is. Some people say it’s that I’m sheltered from the reality of the world. I could kind of see that, but it’s not like I didn’t know they were talking about sex in the first place, so I think sheltered is a bit extreme to really describe it.

On another note, when I tutored Zach last time we really had what I would consider a bonding conversation. I feel like I really learned a lot about him. He’s really smart, once he really learns something. He has to work for it, but at least he has the initiative. He does it for himself not just because it’s expected of him, which is really respectable to me. He cares about his education. We talked about our pasts, present and futures, what we wanted to do, the things we’ve already done. It really seems like our worlds are becoming closer and closer. I just wish it would stop changing week to week…

-Connie

2/8/2011