Friends for never, friends for ever

This week has settled down a little. Things are up and down with Zach. One minute we’re close, the next he’s pushing me away, and then it just starts over. Sometimes it changes over night, sometimes several times a day. I’m not really sure what to do about it. The mixed signals are driving me insane, but I really think I like him so I don’t want to turn away from it quite yet. I wish I knew how he felt about the whole situation. I’m a firm believer that men need to come with instruction manuals. I’m sure they say that about us girls, too, but even if we came with one they would never read it anyway.

Sara just asked me a question a few minutes ago about being friends with an ex-boyfriend. I really don’t know what to tell her. I mean, of the guys I have dated before, I never talk to two of them, I rarely talk to one, then there’s one I talk to every couple of days and the other one fluctuates a lot. It used to be we never talked, and now he calls me all the time asking me to do him a favor or something. Normally, it’s only when he needs something from me, though.

Anyway, we’re currently discussing her and this boy. She’s thinking about talking to him, but she’s not sure if she really should or not. Her current boyfriend hates, and I really mean hates (like with a fiery burning passion, as my friends and I used to say), him. He pretty much doesn’t allow her to talk to him, which I personally find wrong and have told her so, but it’s her relationship. I kind of wonder, now that I think about it, if she’s only thinking about it now because she and her boyfriend are arguing a lot. She never goes against what he tells her, but now she is. Maybe she’s finally gaining some control over her life again.

See, Sara’s relationship really bothers me. People outside my circle of friends (mainly adults) think I feel my friendship with her is threatened by her relationship with him, but that is so far from the truth. I honestly feel like he’s abusive towards her. Not like hitting her or anything but mentally and socially abusive, like the health triangles we used to talk about in middle school. He tells her what she can and can’t do, who she’s allowed to hang out with and makes her feel obligated to spend time with him. He’s lied to her about important things, though I have to take that with a grain of salt considering who it comes from is not a very reliable source of information.

Either way, I don’t think it’s right. Another friend of mine was in the same situation in high school. She told me that first the guy starts alienating you from your friends, then from your family and takes everything away until all you have left is him. Then when you’re totally dependant on him, he will leave you broken and alone. He has taken her friends and turned her against her family, and now I’m scared for her to be broken like that. But she’s slowly gaining control of her life, fighting back against him and telling him how she really feels about things, so even if she won’t believe what we think is going on, I know she’ll be okay. She’s got her close friends here to support her no matter what he could ever do. Overall, I guess it’s been a pretty decent week for once.

-Connie

3/1/11