Picture this. You work at a movie theater. It’s an ok gig — you get paid minimum wage and the hours aren’t the greatest, but it’s something to do and it gives you a check every two weeks. Overall, things are going great in your life right now, your co-workers are wonderful and you just heard of a new movie coming out that you’re super excited to see. It’s based on a game you used to play with your friends when times were simpler, and the movie has seemingly built up a lot of hype, especially because one of your favorite actors will be starring in it.
You go to work. Today is the opening day for this movie, and you’re feeling great. You’re on an usher shift, meaning you’re gonna be responsible for cleaning the theaters after each show. It’s normally your favorite position. Normally. With a smile on your face, you enter the first theater to take a sneak peek at the movie, and what you see makes your jaw drop.
Popcorn showers from the sky like rain from the heavens; God’s salted and buttered tears at the injustice you are about to face. Blue and red Icee drinks coat the ground; the blood that you will shed agonizing over this room. Finally, your eyes wander to the floor directly in front of you. A dead fish lays staring at you, its wide, beady eyes unable to comprehend the cruel hands of fate that placed you two in this scene. If you can imagine this, you would know exactly where I stood on April 4, the opening day for “A Minecraft Movie.”
With the recent release of the Minecraft movie, a trend has taken place on TikTok and other social media platforms that shows moviegoers tossing their popcorn whenever Jack Black says one of his popular lines. Let me be 100% clear. This trend is stupid. For multiple different reasons, actually. For one, I can tell you as an employee of the theater that the Items that you buy at concessions are expensive with a capital pricey. You practically have to take out a loan to buy our stuff. Why in the world would you want to throw your $30 popcorn and drink? You won’t get it back. Secondly, it’s super disrespectful to the people who work there. We clean the theaters so people can have a good experience. We aren’t your personal maid service. Making the excuse that it’s our job so you have the right to trash the theater is like me going to a pottery shop and breaking all the pots because it’s their job to make pottery. It’s okay for me to make you re-make my food 30 times for no reason because it’s your job and you get paid to cook my food, right? Someone going to the bathroom where you work and rubbing it all over the wall is perfectly fine because the janitors there are supposed to clean the bathrooms, right? No, of course not. Just because we get paid for this doesn’t give you the right to make our lives miserable, and that notion is ridiculous. If it’s a genuine accident, that’s fine, but intentionally terrorizing innocent people who are there to make your time there better makes you a terrible person. I love that you’re excited for the movie. I love that you’re having a great time. I am too. Please don’t ruin others’ days because of it.
Throwing popcorn, however, is the least annoying thing that disrespectful people do at the theater. In fact, the most annoying thing is something that happens every single day. If you have a pair of eyeballs and enough common sense to be able to drink through a straw, then you have likely noticed that by the exit door of every single theater you will ever visit in your life is a trash can. People say that there are only two things that are guaranteed in life, and those are death and taxes. Well there’s a third thing; there will always, always, always be a trash can by the exit to a theater. So why on God’s green, beautiful earth do I still find people who leave their trash in their seats? You literally have to leave the theater through that one door. It is GUARANTEED that you will pass that trash can. There is absolutely no reason other than malevolence that you wouldn’t just take the trash with you a few feet to throw it away. The worst thing is, it’s always grown adults. How have you lived 30 years without learning basic manners, Brenda?
Just writing this article I can feel the rage seeping through my fingers while recounting this experience. Treat people with respect. Be a decent person or don’t go to public spaces, it’s really quite simple. Trust us, we’re all happier when you stay at home.
