Chivalry has had many forms over the years. During the 1100’s, Chivalry was a code for knights, and in later years, it was a required trait every boy knew he needed to get at least a first date. But for Gen Z and Gen Alpha teens, it appears to be a lost, forgotten, aged rule. Especially for romance. In general, people can agree that holding the door for a girl or opening the car door is an example of chivalry. Too many rules involving doors to be honest. But, not every girl enjoys these noble acts, feeling this makes them appear weak or lazy, and not every boy was taught to be chivalrous. Everyone, regardless of gender, expects to be respected. Yet, when does this become borderline Chivalry? Has this generation of powerful, proud women killed chivalry, or has it just changed the definition once more, like in generations past?
Junior Sienna Timm has been dating junior Luke Wiehage for about two and a half years.
For Timm, she doesn’t believe chivalry has disappeared from young love.
“I think the idea of it has changed,” Timm said, “I don’t think it’s ever just truly gone away. I just think the idea of it and the expectations for it from 50 years ago versus now, I think that it has evolved with the time. But I don’t think it’s necessarily died.”
But feminism is also to be expected in a relationship.
“I think feminism in a relationship should be that you feel confident and your partner should uplift you, and you feel strong, you feel empowered, and you don’t feel belittled by your relationship,” Timm said, “Just being able to express yourself, and just be confident.”
Although it’s not uncommon for one person in the relationship to have more power than the other, Timm believes that she and Wiehage are a team through and through.
“I don’t really think it’s strongly one or the other, ’cause I think we work together as a team pretty well, but…I’m really good at organization,” Timm said, “so, I love to have my ducks in a row and make sure I have everything planned out. So I guess, plan wise, I do love to plan, but, we both, talk about it, and both collaborate on this, if that makes sense.
To no surprise, Wiehage feels exactly the same as Timm: believing power is happily shared rather than fought for.
“We’re a team; We’re partners. So, not one person is in control,” said Wiehage, “We’re both kind of even, but I do most of the driving and pay for food and stuff, but that’s really it.”
However, in this generation, definitions and absolutes can be difficult to form, especially when you don’t even know where to start.
For Wiehage, chivalry is easily defined through actions and rules:
“Chivalry would just be, opening the door, offering to buy her stuff, paying for her food, and just taking care of her,” said Wiehage.
Wiehage even considers Timm as chivalrous in their relationship based on these rules.
“She definitely spoils me sometimes,” said Wiehage
But no relationship is the same, so many use communication and time rather than acts of chivalry to prove their love and respect.
“We communicate a lot. You know, we talk about problems, and kind of work through them together, and try to hang out often,” said sophomore Camden Layton.
While both Wiehage and Timm value communication and time in a healthy relationship, chivalry also plays an important role, especially in this fond memory for Timm:
“So I’ve had three knee surgeries, and one time, I was out for one of my major ones. I did not go to school, I was pretty much just laying in bed all day, and it was a very rough process for me, all three times. But, that second time, it was the first surgery that I had while we were together, and literally, every day, for the two weeks, he came over and just sat with me, and he brought me flowers multiple times, and he just sat with me, and just…I don’t know, I just felt, like he’s really here for me, and I just felt really comforted in that, ’cause just the fact that he just came over all of those days and just spent them with me to help me go through such a rough time. That really helped. He’s great. He’s really great,” said Timm.
Love, compassion, and most importantly, respect, make up chivalry. While it’s clearly not a common thing to think about in this generation, it’s also clear that chivalry has not and will not leave the core of young love. Old-fashioned or not, it hasn’t been defeated or morphed into a diluted, lost version of itself because of the rise of feminism; in fact, the opposite has occurred. chivalry has adapted, reshaped itself to work perfectly with feminism. A boy can respect his girlfriend and prove it’s the truth through acts of chivalry, and a girl can understand that these small acts of respect, love, and kindness are not meant to diminish her power but to make her know she is powerful and considered an equal to her partner, even if she wears the pants.
