We’re all trapped in our houses. For the greater good, but nonetheless, it is boring. There’s not much to do or see, and there even becomes a point where it’s hard to find something to watch. Staring at a screen, rotting your brain, starts to feel like a chore. So, here’s a movie to spice up your binge-life: “The Pacifier.”

Many may have seen this movie, likely at a younger age since it was released in 2005. It made a meager $142.6 million in the box office and has a discouraging 21 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. However, this doesn’t hinder my love for the movie. 

All in all, this movie fails at most things it was meant to do. It was meant to be a comedy for every age but instead falls flat with poop humor and a pet duck. Comedy. While the material of the movie may not be necessarily comical to anyone over the age of six, the concept of the attempt is hysterical. The movie is so wretched at certain points that you can’t help but laugh. 

Additionally, the star of the film is Vin Diesel. Which is, satirically, a major redeeming factor. His character plays Navy Seal Shane Wolfe who faces his most challenging task yet: taking care of the five Plummer children (that is their last name, not their career). The relatability and realism of this plot point are clearly next-level. 

As in any Disney movie, one of the parents is dead, so this causes much strife in the children’s lives, except they conceal this emotion until a certain breaking point. The best part of this formula is that, for this film, the breaking point lasts about thirty-seconds, so it’s just a really insufficient and unrealistic representation of grief. 

And you can’t overlook the start of the movie which leads with guns and violence, every child’s favorite type of on-screen trauma to witness! This is made up for, of course, by the Plummer family pet: Gary the Duck. All he does is bite some people, but boy oh boy is that plenty. Gary is a truly essential element of the plot. 

This movie makes it’s 1 hour and 35-minute run time seem like a blink. It is action-packed and fast-paced which makes it a perfect movie if you’re easily bored. It truly is a wholesome film. Does it miss the mark on many different levels of intention? Yes, but the ending with a cheesy homecoming of Mrs. Plummer (she had been in Europe with the government for two weeks) who is played into the house by “The Hills Are Alive” from The Sound of Music is actually quite wholesome. Now, you may be thinking that means that the children sing. However, you are dead wrong. It is just the recording which Vin Diesel very abruptly cuts off in the middle of the song.

Other notable lyrical masterpieces of the movie are Smashmouth’s “Everyday Superhero,” which is actually not bad at all. It carries a vibe similar to “The Middle” by Jimmy Eats World. But the star song of the film, and major plot progressor, is the Peter Panda song. A nursery rhyme invented by the late Mr. Plummer to put his young son Peter to sleep that becomes a shockingly significant plot point.