Tribulation with Toilets and Tangents

The frustrations of people not cleaning up after themselves on the toilet


Ian Ingram

As a student enters the stall, he covers his nose and is disturbed at what he’s seeing

I like to think that I clean myself and my messes nicely after I’m done using the toilet, but apparently not everyone is like this. Ever since I witnessed a severely disgusting event at the Mexico Road 7-11 bathroom, I’ve given up hope in humanity. I would rather hold in my number 2 for twelve hours in the car than go in a rest stop or gas station bathroom at this point. Have you ever entered a bathroom at your school and looked at the mess? It infuriates me to think that people would leave their business in the toilet or not even clean up the spills they made on the toilet seat or on the floor. I’m trying to sit down and enjoy the moment, but there’s numero uno on the seat and would rather not wipe it up. Do people even know how to shower if they don’t know how to clean themselves? Currently writing this I really need to use la baño, but I will not go on the school toilet seat. Public toilet messes are not even a major problem; but it’s the fact that you can contract STDs and other diseases from them. I would rather not contract Mr. Krabs at the age of 17. 

That’s not to say you should avoid public toilets entirely. Some places have very clean restrooms and are considered cleaner than my own family restroom despite the fact that everyday people use it. In countries like Japan and Korea, restrooms are one of the nicest places; you could chow ice cream on the toilet seat, although I would not recommend it. They even include bidets, a device that squirts a stream of water, like a water gun, and will clean your behind. Bidets actually save people $182 a year from toilet paper. What’s even better is that they are a much cleaner method of “wiping” What I desire is that the United States would use these ideas in their restaurants and restrooms and try to adapt these clean habits. In reality, our society, unfortunately,  tends to care less about how disgusting we are using the toilet. 

For a millenium, we associate public bathrooms with being careless about what we do to them, and year by year, toilet abuse is getting worse. Toilets should be a beautiful part of nature because it helps get rid of human waste. It’s irritating that we’re getting to a point that nobody wants to use the public bathroom due to the fact that nobody knows how to swifter sweep the toilet. If I had a dime for every mess I saw in the bathroom stall, I would be as rich as Zuckerburg. 

I know some have clean habits, but the majority do not. I encourage you to take time and clean up the messes you make so that the nice janitors don’t need to. Here’s some steps you can take to not be a nitwit:

  1. Learn how to aim 
  2. Take about 5-10 sheets and wipe the accidental lake michigan you created
  3. Stop trying to be funny by projecting your waste on the floor and walls – you’re being more of a clown than funny.
  4. Actually flush like a normal person

Thank you.