Breaking routine

I think the two most common pieces of advice I have received from others regarding my future and really just life in general are don’t take life for granted, and live life to the fullest. Generally speaking, two very simple, easy to understand phrases. Putting these words into action, though, is a whole different story.

Lately I have been reflecting a lot on my life. Maybe because it’s my senior year, maybe because of all that I’ve been through lately, maybe simply because I finally have begun to realize I’m really growing up — whatever the case, a lot of thoughts have been running rampant through my little brain, and there is one that just can’t quite seem to find an exit door: my daily life is composed of a monotonous routine that is seemingly never-ending.

I do practically the same thing every single day. Get up, go to school, come home and rest, work on homework, take a break to rest, more homework, exercise a bit, shower, more homework, bed, repeat. This has become my life. Everyday I’m working to get a little bit stronger, stay on the elliptical a minute longer, move my neck a little bit further in each direction, but honestly, it feels as if I am getting nowhere sometimes. It feels as if this is an infinite cycle that will just keep repeating itself day after day after day. I think over my life in the past year or so, and nearly all of it has been spent working towards recovery or trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and quite frankly, I am sick of being ‘sick’.

I am in desperate need of a mix-up. Call it a month early onset of spring fever, call it senioritis, even simply call it a state of dullness — whatever the case, I’m looking for some kind of change and/or break from my everyday life. Now that spring break is closely approaching, I am itching to get out of Missouri and just relax. I want to go to the beach, close my eyes and be able to hear the waves crashing and feel the sand between my toes. I want to go about my day as I please, doing what I want, when I want to. I want to have a week where I’m not reminded of everything that has happened to me, and be in an environment where I can just forget all my worries and cares. To put it simply, I would just really love a vacation.

Now I know lately I’ve been stuck in a bit of a slump, but the fact that I’m getting tired of this everyday routine gives me some signification that I am truly on my way to recovering. If you would’ve asked me two months ago if I wanted to go anywhere, I’m honestly not even sure I’d respond, as I was unconscious for over half of the day. Now I can generally stay awake for a whole 24 hours, and even incorporate a couple of activities in there that require significant energy. My improvement is readily apparent, and even though I catch myself getting hung up on what I could be doing if I was completely healthy, I use these moments of negativity to remind myself just how far I have come and just how bad it could actually be. Although I still have some time before I can truly live life to the fullest (or at least my version of it), and really change things up, I’m alive, I can see, and for the most part, I am healthy. Therefore, I am blessed.

Time will take care of the rest.